Ever since I came to NW, I have been playing with whatever form of soccer club has existed or just whatever random group has played when there wasn’t an official club.  I’ve always just been a player and have stayed out of the limelight and politics.  I showed up, did my business, and went home.   I saw the turmoil and even though I had ideas on what to do, I didn’t bother since no one cared for my opinion.  I don’t mean this in a derrogatory way, but I AM an American and was playing with an international group.  Shoot, I had to work my ass of just to get them to pass the ball to me nevermind the fact that I was pretty much a shut-down defender (not bad for a converted midfielder, eh?).  I’m not bragging.  That’s just the way it was.  Anyway, who was I to get involved in their political battles?

The club came.  The club went.  It spent much of its time sort of existing.  At one point I thought it was finally going to take off, but no one else seemed to like the president.  Granted, he was weird, but I can understand why he did many of the things he did.  In the end, it folded like everything else.  The internationals took over (basically, the Asian contingent) again and things just existed but nothing happened.  Things were done spur of the moment and they only played 3 games a year (one against the NW women’s varsity team and 2 against the local seminary school) and never practiced.  We’d barely beat the women’s team and would lose to the future monks. It wasn’t an official campus organization so there were no real politics.  I was the lone American once again.   I knew there was talent out there and knew we could do more, but I wasn’t in charge and wasn’t a part of their clique except being that imposing central defender they lacked.

The guy who was our laison with the women’s team (our “leader”) graduated and things just kind of died.  Sure there were random casual games, but that was it.  It became laced more and more with people just out there to kick the ball around.  That’s fine for a time.  Only a time.  I wanted something more to happen.

Last fall, it came time to play the monks.  I guess by seniority the I was next in the pecking order.  We set up the game and, knowing there was some talent out there, made a set roster to play them.  I got ahold of a few people I had played with during pick up game and we went and did our thing.  Unfortunately, even though we had a set roster, some people still showed up and expected to play.  At one point, I looked over and my right back was wearing sneakers and jeans.  Seriously.  That was the last straw.  I saw our potential in the players I invited.  I also decided to not let the Koreans come back after that…at least not right away.  That was BS.

Spring came and it was time to play the women’s team.  Their coach and I set up the game.  I recruited.  We beat them easily.  That was nice to see.  That semester, we also went on to play 4 other games, finishing 3-2.  Not bad for hodgepodge.  Our new group was excited to see we had some talent and wanted to play more.  By this time I was not playing due to an injury picked up back in February but I had no problem setting some stuff up in the hopes I could play again.  In April, we traveled to our first away game.  I had already known my days playing were done and after being through the old failed clubs, said I was not going to run one myself.  I would help.  They talked me into it.  Maybe it was the excitement of having skilled and motivated players for once.  I don’t know.  I really can’t say.  The next thing I know, I’m president of the newly formed Futbol Club at NWMSU.

I spent that summer working hard to get things in order.  We had petitioned the senate, voted on officers, and our secretary had drawn up a constitution in the spring so now it was more about logistics.   I knew I was the only one around during the summer so it didn’t bother me.  I wasn’t busy anyway.  I ended up getting us $600 in sponsorships not counting the nearly $650 it would have cost us to get the banner to advertise our sponsors.    I also saved us about $800 a year by convincing Athletic Grounds to let us paint the field ourselves.  This endeavour was one of the few that actually panned out.  We painted and cleaned up our own field.  Getting numbers was tricky, but it was also the same day as a football game against a big neary rival so I understood…so I thought.

Before classes started, I had been contacting various schools to see about playing.  Some of our players mentioned a KC varsity team we could probably hang with.  I got the game scheduled before school so we took a limited roster.  We lost 5-0 but I felt confident.  We were missing key players and had a lot of stop-gaps that game.  We got scored on twice while still learning each other’s names. 

Fall came and it was time for tryouts.  We added to our roster since we only had about 8 returning players anyway.  We increased the roster to 22.

We had our scheduled games and immediately things became frustrating.  No one would offer to drive to away games.  We had to bribe them with gas money (as opposed to whomever rode with the driver paying it) from the club’s funds.  No one was responding to emails to let me know who could go to games.  Whatever.  I wrote it off and didn’t think much about it.  I hounded and hounded players to pay dues and let me know what was going on.  Why weren’t people at practices?  Of the 22, it was common to have 4 or maybe 8 if we were lucky.

We obviously needed fundraisers.  Since things were new, I didn’t mind setting them up.  No one cared to respond.  Again, I hounded, begged, and pleaded to get enough.  People would eventually show up (most of the time at least).  On one instance, I had to skip a class to show up to an event because no one informed me they would be there.  In the end I didn’t need to be there and I missed the one in-class assignment we had.  That dropped me a letter grade.

The semester went on and on like this.  It became increasingly frustrating.  I started our meetings off in a round table format and soon found that wasn’t working.  We’d spend 2 hours and nothing would get done.  No one knew what happened and I’d spent my time sending emails to remind people of what was going on.  I’d have to send MULTIPLE emails for somethings at which point I’d get comments that I sent too many emails.  If I didn’t send but one, then no one would show up -this comes into play shortly.  

During games, I’d get comments from what I have dubbed (and not too originally) the Peanut Gallery.  “I’m ready” and “I’m fresh” would be common and constant reminders behind me.  It was stated that we were a competitive club.  Playing time is not guaranteed.  If we are in a tight game, I am not going to put in those I don’t think can hack it.  Our last game was a cakewalk.  I put in a lot of these players to start the game and played them considerably since our normal starters weren’t showing up to practices or anything.  Sadly, it was still the normal starters who did almost all of the scoring despite their limited time.

The end of the season came and it was time to get down to business.  Fundraisers weren’t happening and of course it was all my fault.  *rolls eyes*

Also, our guys asked me about playing futsal in the campus gym.  The internationals had done that in the past so I figued I’d check on it.  It would keep our guys in form over winter.  I found out the school wasn’t too pleased with the international group playing there and destroying things.  After a bit of sweet talking, we got to play there.  Of the 23 (counting me) members, we were lucky to get 3v3.  It got so bad that on one of the nights, we started inviting anyone and everyone to come play with us just so we had numbers.

I was tired of people slacking off and needed to know who was serious.  I also needed to know who was coming back so we could plan for spring.  In my email for the meeting, I told everyone to either be there, or let me know ahead of time if they can’t make it.  In the end, we voted off two members who had not met expectations.  Neither bothered to show up to defend their cases anyway.  We also moved on without two of our starters since they weren’t at the meeting and weren’t bothered enough to let me know they would play in the spring.  I assumed they were done with us.  Whatever.  No big deal.  I was curious though so I asked one of our other guys if he heard anything.

Later on, while in class, I got a text from one of said removed players stating they were not kicked off because we did not vote.  Duh.  That was obvious.  What ensued during the entire class period was an exchange of not-so-pleasant responses.  In the end, I think it came down to a mere misunderstanding by him on what was going on. 

One of our returning players said the actual expulsion part of some players was not legit because we didn’t have our 2/3 required showing.  I’m sorry, but if we went by that rule and all of the constitution rules, nothing would get done.  I respect this player, but if he’s going to have a fit over me removing his friends (the no-shows, not the expelled players) for not informing me they were going to play, then he’s more than welcome to take charge.  I received no more texts from him after that.

At our meeting, we also decided to have a party to relax at the end of the semester.  That was tonight.  We hooked up some video game systems in the Union.  We had a grand total of 4 members.  I have better things to do than sit there playing video games with what soon amounted to one other player (the other 2 had to leave shortly after arrival).

I’ve grown weary.  I can’t get our committees to do anything.  We are having a fundraiser (of which I had to remind said committee to schedule) next week and I’ve yet to see a flyer on campus.  Our “equipment manager” gets pissy whenever I tell him to come get the equipment out of my apartment.  It’s just one snotty excuse after another for why he can’t come get it.  I haven’t even told him that he gets to wash the uniforms if we ever get any.  Maybe he’s still pissed that my u-16 team beat his twice…while I only had 10 kids on the roster…and he had like 13 or 14.  Maybe he’s mad he’s a backup.  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  It’s unprofessional.

To add to all of this, no one seems interested in stepping up when I leave.  I’m in the process of making an entire binder full of all the information the future board members will need.  All they need to do is follow it step by step.  Easy as that.  Right now, the only person I’d trust to take over next year isn’t interested in the job.  Why?  Because he seesm my troubles and the lack of support I get from the others.  Honestly, I don’t blame him.

Now where does this leave me?  I had big aspirations for the club.  I wanted us to be successful.  We have the talent.  I wanted us to be big on campus.  We are fighting  a difficult battle with the university.  Many of the head people are soccerphobes.  Us showing, playing, and going home isn’t going to cut it.  I have ideas for philanthropic events.  I want us to reach out to the community.  Youth Coaching.  Habitat For Humanity.  Salvation Army Bell Ringing.   All I’ve brought up.  None have been done (the coaching was outside the club).  Nothing But Nets and assistance in building a fence at the local youth fields are things I have in mind for spring.  I don’t have high hopes.  Shoot, I can’t even get people to show up to the women’s games even by reminding them that our support increases our chances of using their field in the spring.  They still have the nerve to ask if we can use that field.

Like I said, I’ve grown weary.  I’m tired of babysitting.  I want the club to succeed.  I seriously do.  I have to ask myself, though, “Is it worth it?”  What am I getting out of this?  Sure the docs have cleared me to play again, but I’m not going to unless I have to.  Player-coaches don’t work out so well.  I’m tired of the slacking.  I’m tired of the help.  I’m tired of the attitudes.  I want to quit.  I want to resign.  I want to keep going.  I want to give others the opportunity I never really had.  This is what drives me in life.  This is why I want to go into athletic training.  I never had the medical care I needed.  This is why I work so hard with my youth coaching.  I understand Maryville is lacking in soccer knowledge.  Last year I coached two teams at once (U-16 and U-11).  My U-11′s went undefeated…for the entire year!  They can learn.  I want them to.  I want to help them.  I’ve helped the occassional high schooler.  I’ve earned respect from a few of their better players and from one of their coaches.  I’ve earned a few other things from some of their player who think they are good but that’s another story for another day.  In all of this, I still feel the underdog.  I don’t need a parage.  Just a bit of respect.  Just a bit of assistance here and there.  So as I was saying, where do I go?  Where does life take me?  What is my path?  I guess it’s like they say, it’s about the journey and not the destination, but is it worth the travels?

 In the second half, Shuhei was fed a ball through the center when he ran past the last defender and finished his 1v1 with the ‘keeper.  Taking the lead seemed to be all the motivation we needed as everyone had a bit more pep.  Going with the wind probably had something to do with that as well.  Drew nearly curled in a corner kick for a goal and after a few near misses (including a great save and a long distance shot off the crossbar), we finally got our last two goals from Krista and Drew.

Next week we travel to Topeka to play Washburn and then Kansas.  We were missing a few players today and they should be back for that game.  We will, however, be missing our “secret weapon” as she’ll be playing in the NW Alumni Game that day.    Hopefully we can keep the momentum rolling and finish the season undefeated.

Oh, I got GH3 for my birthday!  Going bowling Saturday.  Maybe more to say after the weekend.

This Saturday is going to be chaos.  U-11 pics at 8:05 at the community center.  9:00 U-11 game.  This is the easy part.  I then have U-16 pics back at the community center at 9:40 (a time at which the previous game will probably not be over).  Then I have to fly back to the fields to warm up the U-16′s for their 10:00 game.  I am usually a tad late getting to them anyway and now I have pictures like 6 blocks away.  Holy crap!  I somehow think we’ll be starting late.  Oh, did I mention the U-16′s also have a game at 11:15?  Yeah.  Damn.  Fun fun!

Let’s backtrack a bit now, shall we?  Got to CAB about 3:30 and played a few games and hung out with people at the tailgate.  Cory and I were messing around playing some game where the whole point is to kick a soccer ball and knock over empty beer bottles.  Some other guys came over to challenge us in doubles.    We won 5-2.  Suckers.  They were probably just lucky we were both wearing clumsy tennis shoes…and that Cory was a tad “under the weather” at that time – I had the dip in the parking lot figured out from the other side and couldn’t seem to adjust from the switch.  haha

The Wizards then went on to lose 3-2 but we won’t get into that now.  After the game I dropped Cory off in NKC and then drove down to Lee’s Summit (where I am now).  I didn’t get to bed until about midnight and then couldn’t sleep.  Woke up at 5:30 and went to my observations over at Swope Park.  Been going ever since.  I need to shower and go to bed, but I’m hungry again and don’t have to be in until 9:30 tomorrow.  I’d go into more of what I’m doing, but I’m too exhausted to care if you know or not.  To top it all off, I have practice Sunday afternoon and then have a decent amount of homework to do for Monday. 

More backtracking would mean I’d tell you how I played soccer Friday – first time in 3 weeks – and then went to the bar for a friend’s birthday.  I guess I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right?

Should be good to go for the next game next week.  Just won’t be game fit but I can at least get a few minutes in.

Man, so much to do and so little time now.  Anyone want to coach my kids for me?  A week’s worth of coaching and also telling them about pictures, picking up the picture info, delivering… gaaahh!!

A feeling I get inside in the back of my head
Like a song you still know from so long ago
And I wouldn’t change a thing
Like a car driving by triggers something in my mind
Am I retrieving my direction or just charging forward blind
Am I everything that you wanted me to be
Have I lost that condition, a connection I couldn’t see
Til the end like a friend stands by you again
And I wouldn’t change a thing
Toe to toe, friend or foe, it’s all that I know
And I wouldn’t change a thing
As the years pass us by, will I still make the grade
Can I really offer anything, and will my soul be saved
Can you cleanse me off… drive out the swine
Am I only falling farther, can you keep me safe from harm
The memories you build in the house on the hill
Would you really change a thing
Corrected mistakes in a world full of hate
Never changes anything

Thanks go out to Dropkick Murphys for helping me get through rough times and gain a new perspective on life.